So so sad to leave Florida this morning…truth be told, it really has nothing to do with Florida, its because I feel so sad to leave my kids, their partners and my grand baby behind.
The pure unadulterated joy I feel at waking up in the morning and hearing a little voice call out “hey Nana” is priceless. Then my daughter drops by for breakfast and to hang out for the day…sweet. Me and hubby both love the contact of the kids. My daughter is just like my husband in temperament, a better communicator but goes down really quickly if you annoy her. She can go from zero to major sulk in less than 3 seconds. My son is all me, rises like boiling water. It causes us both problems, as individuals and together when we clash! We are both working on that.
We were in Florida for my daughter’s graduation. 2 degrees, honors, leadership award, all while working 2 jobs amounting to 35 plus hours per week. Debt free. Such a terrific achievement…and now panicking to find a job!
The weather was incredibly hot and nasty just like Alabama. Hubby drove back and I studied for an exam, juggled work calls and planned for tomorrow. I am still torn in my work role, lonely wife, distant mother and Nana. There must be oodles of women in the same state as me..drifting between ambition and the need to be around one’s own. I understand that as life goes, I am fortunate. It’s been a whole lot worse in the past but that doesn’t negate where I am today. Searching for purpose. A place to make my mark, holding onto days like grains of sand running through my fingers. However I look or feel, time is running out. My days on this planet are less than I have already had. I don’t want to waste what’s left.
As I study the garden and it’s triphid like growth in the week we have been gone. I made a pact with myself to rake away all of the weeds in my life. The junk that is slowing me down rather than filling me up. Concentrate on the main arteries that feed me comfort. Focus on the things I do well, that make me smile, that bring me joy…Focus and watch the expansion of my joy…my direction….my purpose. Work a little to save the money to visit my daughter as she studies abroad, with my husband, son and
grand baby…chart my path and make it happen….inhale that rainbow!