I would love to know what you’d think and say about how the kids have grown, what they’ve become, who they remind you of, how important they are to you. I’d like to share my garden with you, though I know just the thought of this heat would make your skin crawl. I wonder what you’d think of America, where I am in my life, all the obstacles I’ve dealt with to get this far. Most of all, I hope you are looking down and know that we are happy, that you would be pleased for us and with us.
I will start writing again in the new year. Right now, I would just like to say “have a good one” regarding New Years eve, to everyone who reads this. I didn’t meet my goals this year in terms of financial accomplishments, weight loss accomplishments, work achievements, knitting, sewing projects are not all complete. I did get a stack of stuff done though. I undertook several course of education. Spent time with my kids, both here and in Florida, caught up with my husband and enjoyed him being home much more than usual in the fourth quarter. I dealt with fears that have kept me from enjoying myself or being enjoyable to others. I made some money, broke new ground, lost fifteen pounds, worked in the garden, completed enough sewing and knitting projects to give in abundance to both my granddaughter and great niece. Could I have done better? Always. I had fun. I moved mountains in emotional progress and I’m looking forward to the new year with a sense of healthy anticipation. I know my kids are facing challenges. I trust they will be able to dig deep within and clear their hurdles and get closer to their goals. I wish you and yours the same well being and here’s to a good 2012. It may not be as plentiful as you would like. I wish you “enough”.
So so sad to leave Florida this morning…truth be told, it really has nothing to do with Florida, its because I feel so sad to leave my kids, their partners and my grand baby behind.
Yesterday was full of dark clouds. I’ve been working through some management instruction discs getting ready for a course I’m going to be attending in Austin in August. It’s high energy, full immersion, reach for the sky and accept nothing less than the stars. So much so, I was exhausted just watching the CD’s ….I don’t know that I am cut out for all of that stuff. I have done the eighty hour work weeks and given my all to prove myself to the big C as in Corporate…they eat you up and spit you out….. Just as I was approaching burnout, I came to the conclusion that there was no real balance and by working eighty something hours. In fact I was actually doing two people’s jobs in real terms. Add to that, at the time, my husband was at sea on deployment so there were two children (teenagers) to keep in check, force, cajole, encourage and bribe to help with housework, laundry and yard work all while trying to keep up with their interests, school work, love lives, well being, physical, mental and of course nutritional, oh and again, laundry! I’ve written degree programs, had my own business several times, Cooked for royalty and heads of state, and raised two kids. I know what is important to me. Being important in my kids lives, is far more important than being a millionaire. I need to organise my mind and feel confident in the direction that I am going. I would like more time with the people that are important to me…now I need to find a
I spent most of my day delivering fliers for the short sale part of my real estate business. With temperatures typical of the deep south and a humidity to match, I stepped out at seven thirty and three hundred and something fliers and a dozen conversations later, I got home at two thirty, hot, sticky and sore.
Today I am up bright and early. Getting ready to list a house, pick up keys from other houses, meet my son and granddaughter from the airport and have oodles of fun! They too are a huge part of my “why” and if you are reading this Daisy…so are you!
I have been cutting and bagging the dead daffodils, tulips and irises and clearing the early spring debris so as the Asian lilies can reign in full glory. Consumed with juggling new plantings in the window boxes and dusting the cedar lintels over my windows to prevent a further infestation of carpenter bees, I didn’t notice, my kids were hurting. Of all the flowers in the garden, none are as important to me as watching my children bloom. They are not babies and do not live within walking distance, in fact if I have any discomfort in my life right now, it would be the distance I am from my kids. I learn a lot from watching my garden. Seeing the plants establish, in awe of mother nature and the beauty she affords us all. I have learnt so much from my children and my granddaughter. This week’s epiphany is no exception. I see how my mistakes have impacted their choices, My protectiveness has allowed them to adopt “prince or princess” behaviours that is hard on their partners. In my quest to build their self worth and teach them to accept nothing but the best, have I neglected to teach them humility? Have I given to ease my pain rather than help them grow? I understand they will no longer “do” because “I am mum and I say that “I need you to do this for me”. Just like I cannot control the bloom time of my flowers, just be ready for the moment …and enjoy it, when it comes, I cannot control the curve balls that are bouncing in my direction this week.
Growing up, I planned to be a physical education instructor, or if I got really lucky, to train dolphins and
swim for a living. Swimming is a passion of mine; I wasn’t sure where I would
find dolphins in Shrewsbury, an agriculturally rich town and definitely inland and without any visible
signs of dolphins. I hadn’t got a clue how a small town girl like me would find the kind of money it took to move away and follow one’s dreams. That was the kind of thing other folks did.