It’s funny how you can get stuck in a place; a mind set, frame of mind, call it what you will, and you revolve instead of evolve. You think you are making progress but you are constantly revisiting familiar situations…not all of them pleasant. You continue on this path so long until you can actually anticipate the scenery to the point of even getting comfortable with it, in an uncomfortable way. Then whether by choice or circumstance, part of the equation shifts and the domino effect begins and in turn changes everything. I have been struggling with this loneliness thing for a long time. The last three years has been the toughest. Before I had the kids to keep me busy and I wouldn’t have time to think. I have loaded myself up with work and commitments so I would fall into bed exhausted and not have to face feeling abandoned. My body is no longer up to the 14 plus hours days and has shouted loud to me to slow down…bodies will do that…and if you don’t listen…they will give up or give out on you…I am listening to mine…. well, for the most part. Every now and again I push my luck a little too far and I get a little wake up call that lets me know I’m getting too old to keep going at 100 miles per hour. In my head I’m still 15. My body says other wise! My kids think it’s ridiculous that I could possibly feel young. My daughter worries incessantly that I will hurt myself and my son calls me Peter bloody Pan and is convinced that an old lady like me can not have possibly felt the same depth of love, pain, rejection and euphoria that he has recently felt! Really, where did all my wrinkles come from? They are the road map of my emotional travels!