I worked this weekend and promised myself an hour in the garden today just catching up. I woke up early and started to get ready for my walk. Being butterfly minded, before I had so much as put my trainers on, I was heading in a different direction. I decided to at least appear domesticated and started to put the freshly laundered towels away. Yep, I must be a ball of fun to live with…scatter brain, butterfly mind, call it whatever. I’m all over the place at best…..dang they wouldn’t fit in the cupboard with all the rest of the junk…so that’s how the day started. Folding and refolding the towels until they fitted in the available space…We have been in this house almost 4 years. after moving every two years for close to a lifetime…I realize that we have started to gather moss here…amongst other things. I folded the towels. My way. They wouldn’t fit. A number of years ago… I met this guy and made a conscious decision to have fun with him. Most people will tell you, engineers are not the easiest people to have fun with…In our case, me and him that is, sometimes that’s true. I love him….and I love almost everything he brings to the table….and yes we have fun….there I go, digressing.
Putting the towels away, I see a pile of have dead, unused cosmetics. All taking up space. None of them of any use to me. Jeff is a tidy body. Me, not. Every now and again though I have a moment and clear out stuff…any stuff, all kinds of stuff and it appears I woke up having one of those moments. I dumped a stack of hair product that either didn’t perform like the label claimed. Or was bought with good intentions to make more effort with myself and now no longer have that style, don’t spend that much time to fanny around in the morning or can’t remember what I was going to use it for…All kinds of stuff that has been in my possession long enough ot have moved with me (sometimes more than once) and had birthdays. It all went out…no iffing or anning…just out. Space made towels in place. That should have been it but it wasn’t…I slept well and should be rested….maybe too rested because i went on to sort out and dump stuff out of my sock drawer, under armour drawer, t shirt drawer and pj’s. So off walking and then work? No. I went to check my email and get everything work wise answered before I wander off and I see trending now on Yahoo. I don’t pay much attention to that type of thing. A Monday morning would definitely not be a day for me to do so. I catch the name Robin Gibb and click on to see that he is dreadfully ill with colon cancer and fell into a coma after contracting pneumonia. Man that upset me. I made my Acai tea and lemon and watched my way through some utube videos of the Bee gees that just light me up and take me back to some crazy time called youth. I wish him well. The article said his kids were with him. My kids are with me always. In spirit because they live so far away. My wellbeing is important to them. More probably than I know or acknowledge. I have been feeling a little iffy lately, chest pains that I have been ignoring and some general nagging from my inner voice. Yesterday I acknowedged that my double knockout roses are past their sell by date and in a state that I cannot control or help. No I’m not digressing. I cut back a stack of overgrowth in the garden today. Dug out borders, cleaned up flower beds and planted some of my seedlings out of the cold frame. I achieved a huge amount of progress but I didn’t dig out the roses. I still haven’t called for a doctor’s appointment. Instead I cleaned cupboards, dug the garden, threw out things that no longer have use but I have been hoarding. All the time singing under my voice a Bee Gees hit that reminds me of days gone by. When I was fit and lean. When I had abundant energy to dance away the night. When I was in love with John Travolta, David my boyfriend, swimming mile after mile for therapy, wondering where my life will take me….and I know that even though I don’t feel any different now than I did then….my life has taken me…I am here. I need to dig out the roses and be done. I need to make the appointment with the cardiologist, not just for my peace of mind but for those who love me. I plane to spend a week next summer with my granddaughter here. When she’s 5 or 6, I want to take her home and show her my homeland. I want to be in her life forever. I can’t do that but I owe it to her to be there as long as I can. I( want to see my daughters growing success… we have much more memories to make. I want to chat to my son in depth and enjoy his take on the world…and that guy I met…when I was struggling to raise my kids on my own all those years back. I want to continue this journey that has been for ever but also seems like it was yesterday when we met. I take care of my flowers because they are important. I need to take care of myself!
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